Take off the headphones!

A ramble about the importance of writing for yourself

Start writing…

That is what it says at the top of every blank Substack template. So, here I am, attempting to do just that. But it’s not always that easy, is it, Substack—is it, reader who likely has a daunting dream on the other side of the screen?

Sometimes I’m tired, thoroughly drained of the creativity that usually keeps me up at night. Other days it’s doubt that has my fingers fleeing from the keyboard, aspirations shying away from tangibility. Or, like in this very moment, I’ve forgotten a pair of headphones to stifle the chaos of a busy coffee shop. Am I inept without ‘8 hours of box fan’ drowning out every thought aside from this nagging need to create?

I’m not entirely sure what I intended to say when I started typing—and there is something terrifyingly invigorating about that. Substack wanted me to start writing…, and I certainly did. It has been a long while since the ending of my own sentences surprised me. I hardly write without a purpose anymore. Everything is calculated—every scene, every piece of dialogue, every blotch of punctuation (like how I used an em dash to continue this sentence, or how I’m typing within parenthesis).

But in this instance, this moment where I’m alarmingly caffeinated and freeing myself from the confines of performing with words, I refuse to think about the structure or the way this sentence reads in fact maybe I’ll stop punctuating all together because I can how fun is this!

It is a relief to write something that won’t be loved, hated, scrutinized, another verdict I don’t care to think of. This is a spilling of my thoughts, and you signed up for it! Sorry!

I am a modern-day author at the mercy of a never-ending, digital box fan droning in my headphones. And I have to say, it’s nice to pull those off every once an a while—write whatever the hell I want to. Here I sit, subject to this coffeeshop’s horrid choice in music, making uncomfortable eye-contact with an older gentlemen across the room, and realizing it’s okay to write a whole lot of nothingness sometimes.

Now, let me reassure you that at some point between opening my laptop and scowling at that command to start writing…, I had every intention of actually discussing some sort of topic. So, it only seems fair that I try to salvage this and make all my rambling worth your time.

Take off the headphones. Write for yourself.

That is the moral of my droning. As creatives, it’s so easy to get caught up in the portrayal of it all. But in reality, the only person you need to impress is yourself. Nurture your passion, mold it into something you are proud of. Create because your soul commands it of you! Write about nothing at all, for no one in particular!

In truth, I’m not entirely sure any of this makes sense—and that is freeing. It would be hypocritical of me to edit this stream of consciousness into something cohesive and pretty. So here lies my thoughts, amidst a graveyard of practiced words and performances.

If you have read this far, I almost feel the need to apologize. But I hope you enjoyed seeing this side of me—not as an author, but as a writer. If you have any interest in continuing this conversation about all things writing, I would love to yap with you at my upcoming tour stops (more international dates coming soon):

Thank you for being my outlet—I am always honored to “start writing…” for you. This—this pelting of my thoughts—is exactly what I wish this Substack to be. I want you, dear reader, to know who I am outside of the books and characters I write.

I look forward to subjecting you to more ramblings! <3

---

Thanks for reading! You can find me on Instagram and TikTok for the latest updates, and don't forget to pre-order your copy of Fearless before it comes out April 8th!